Over a cuppa ... or two
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
We're sitting around the table listening to the friend next to me rant;
"What's the point of running? There's no goal. You're just running and running and it's so boring. You're not going anywhere. It's all-"
And as she goes on, I take a sip of my cup of tea and question myself, why do I love to run? Why do I enjoy it? What's my point?
The first thing that came to mind was, to look good.
That may be true. I initially took up running as a form of exercise to lose weight. I wanted to be thin because that's what society demanded of beauty and damn them if I'm not going to be beautiful. But aside from running, there were a ton of other "better" exercises that I dabbled in, all in the name of vanity; weights, DVD aerobic exercises, swimming, basketball, ping pong, strength training, etc. And along the way, I dropped them all, slowly. But running remained my constant. Mind you, I couldn't be bothered to keep up to a regular schedule. Sometimes I ran thrice a week, sometimes twice a week, and sometimes, I was even lucky to say that I ran once a month.
But it was still a constant. I ran.
But why run?
"What's your goal?" my friend continued oblivious to my silence.
"What are you running towards?"
And then, the reason came so simply.
I'm not running towards anything. Instead, I'm running from.
Running from my stress. Running from my problems. My feelings of inadequacy. I run to get away. To forget. I run so that I don't get stuck. Because I fear that if I stay. I'll drown.
See, if you don't run, you may not understand. Because when I run, I enter this stage where my body takes over my mind, and I don't feel anything but adrenaline coursing through my body and I feel unstoppable. I go into my nothing box and my body is just like a machine going through the gears.
I run so that for at least one part of my day, I don't need to think. And mock me if you will, but having a break from thinking, is a glorious thing to enjoy.
But mind you, once I hit the ten minute mark, my brain instantly logs back on to my body and goes "whoa girl, you've done ten minutes already? Wow. You must be tired! Can you feel that ache in your leg? Why don't you rest for awhile? You've done a good enough job."
And just like that, thinking spoils everything, again.
"Karl. Karl! Where did you go?" My friend waves her hand over my face.
"Huh?" I blinked back to the table with my friends, "oh. Nowhere. I was just, running." I smile at them and take another sip of my tea.
2 comments
I enjoy meditation - avoiding any thinking process for half an hour)
ReplyDeleteHey Sonya!
ReplyDeleteI enjoy meditation too, I just can't normally stay still enough for half an hour to do it properly. Hahah! Which is why jogging, or walking is my preferred method!
I like sitting on long car rides to avoid any thinking process though, does that count as meditation? =]