Scribbled Art

Give me a chance

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Re-edited: 27/3/2013

 Hey there
You're beautiful, you know that?

Maybe you don't. You're sitting there so alone. Your head bowed, your hair fanned to block your face. A wall to block the world out or shield you from within? Your shoulders hunched, arms folded in.

Don't hide yourself I long to plead. You ARE worth it. Believe me.

Some people walk by, you shrink. Afraid. The harsh words, the taunts, the ridicule comes.

Ugly. Stupid. Weak.

I see your hands tremble clutching yourself, blood leaving your knuckles turning them white as death, your arms holding yourself in, sheltering as much you can from the hail, smashing the fragility of your house of cards called hope.

Go away! I want to yell. Leave her alone!

But I sit, silent.

Watching.

Maybe she deserves this - a forbidding whisper floats as thought snuggling comfortably in my head - after all, she is sort of ugly. She never smiles, never talks. Doesn't even make an effort to fit in. Maybe she's socially retarded. What a loser. 

And these whispers turn to sirens and signs of confirmation hardening my heart, filling it with contempt and pretentiousness.

When the others meandered away to find another person to victimize, there left only me and her. The room suddenly shrunk, too small to fit the both of us, the silence cliched as it sounds, suffocating, filling every space, every void. I pretended. Pretended that I couldn't see her. That she did not exist. That the room was not pressing onto me laden with, I don't know what, guilt? Superiority? Pity?

I couldn't stay here anymore, couldn't stand to look at her anymore, and just as I was about to leave, she looked up, and stared straight at me, her eyes locked with mine, holding me captive.

And in that instant I realized. 

Her eyes, a deep dark brown, held me, then sucked me into its depths. Falling and falling and falling.

Bottomless holes.

Hurt. Fear. Despair. Suffering.

But at the core of it, a dark, stable heat arose. Its vapor materializing as hate. Hate so hard, hate so bitter, I trembled in fear. With everything that she still had, this girl hated me.

My reflection hated me.
Scribbled Art

On falling for a stranger. Written by a dumbass.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013
On falling for a stranger; it's easy.

You had me at hello.

Well no you didn't.

But it was enough to start.

And we haven't stopped since.

We can talk til our eyes refuse to open anymore, when even our brains decline to pick up the small beep beep of a new message.


3am: You fell asleep didn't you? Sighs. You lose. Again. See you in my dreams. 

11am: I didn't fall asleep! I just, took a longer time to blink that's all.

11:01 Wow. An 8 hour long blink. 

11:10 Shuddup. Leavemealone.
Sometimes. We talk like there's not enough time to cram all the words together in 24 hours. And sometimes. We go for weeks on end with not a single beep of a new message.

And it is the pauses in between that creates a level of uncertainty that fuels this pseudo relationship.

And it is the lack of pause between good morning beautiful, and sweet dreams that is just enough to make you fall. Me fall.

And so we do. And we stumble between the lines of reality and our world of denial.


So, there's this girl I know. She's beautiful. 

So what's the problem?

The problem is I don't think I'm good enough for her. She's just. Perfect.  

Is this why you've never talked to her when you see her in the hallways of college?

Yeah. I'm afraid that she won't give me the time of day.

You will never know til you try.

And she's not perfect.
But she tries.


And its that faint line of reality I realize every time that I see you seeing me and not look away but too afraid to make that first step. And it's that faint hope that I hold on to that maybe one day you will take and cross it, because I don't think I can.

On falling for a stranger; it's easy.
Because you're never close enough to find out who they are, so you fill in the blanks with a dash of gentleman here and a splash of chef there, and maybe a small sprinkle of knight in shining armor.

We may talk endlessly, continuously and covertly. I may know that you have an intense and illogical fear of swimming or water that reaches above your head, and you may know that I dream of saving the world when I can't even save myself.

But.

We don't know each other.

You don't know that I drool when I sleep or that I have an annoying habit of playing with my hair. You don't know that I cower when there's lightning. That I talk whilst I sleep.

You don't know.

You don't even know how your name sounds when I say it.

Or mine in yours.

And I don't know how that matters. But it does. It does.

And when this ends. When one of our heart breaks. It breaks for nothing. Because the disappointment was inevitable, almost self inflicted. Because one day, one of us wouldn't be able to live up to that person we made the other out to be.

So don't fall for a stranger.

Don't fall for someone who could never prove that they could be there for you.

Don't fall for someone, just because it's easy.

Because it may have been easy to say hello.

But it won't be when you say goodbye.

And don't let them fall in love with you either. Because the only courage you have, is to write this letter to everyone else but him.

On falling for a stranger. Written by a dumbass.


I have to confess, every time I see you;
My heart beats a little too fast and dances a little too out of beat.